Article 3 of the Father’s Bill of Rights states that, “Fathers have the right to the same economic benefits as mothers, provided they are willing to invest an equivalent amount of energy and attention on their children . . .”

What does that mean? There are a host of government funded programs designed to assist mothers. At the federal level, there is WIC, a program that provides nutritional help to pregnant mothers and their infants (W.I.C.). Then, there is A.F.D.C. (Aid to Families with Dependent Children), which provides cash and other assistance programs to low-income families (allegedly, the entire family) (A.F.D.C.).

At the local level in Maryland, there are several programs for divorcing women (mothers) who need assistance. A well-known local example is the Montgomery County, Maryland Commission for Women (Commission for Women). Rather than funding a comprehensive center to serve families in crisis, the local government in one of the wealthiest communities in the United States has elected to spend thousands of tax dollars to promote the entitlement of women to special perks when they are in crisis. However, in this county, there is not a single comparable service available to husbands and fathers, or indeed, to children.

Where are the programs for fathers? If you dig deep into the ADFC website, you’ll find that some states are beginning to provide parenting assistance for fathers that is not related to perpetuating the “two legs and a wallet” stereotype. There are a few Head Start programs, some few inner-city mentoring programs for young fathers, but generally speaking, government assistance programs for families are directed at women and children, not at families, with a comprehensive range of assistance for all members of the family.

Fathers’ rights groups spend enormous energy and attention lobbying for “equal time” in parenting as a mandate. Their energies and attentions would be far better spent lobbying for legislative change that provided economic equality in government-funded parenting services instead. “Follow the money,” is one of the most time-tested truisms. Economic benefits from the state should flow to those who need it the most — the children. This can only happen when the state funds programs that support good parenting for both parents.

Hand in hand with a father’s right to a fully engaged relationship with his children is his obligation to support them. There’s a ton of information and ranting out there about the obligation of fathers to support their children financially, but not much about their obligation to support their children with their time, and a quality of attention that sets aside what the parent has on the agenda to do, or in his head to say, and just notices his child, just listens to his child, is fully present to the child. This obligation is one shared by all parents, mothers and fathers, and it is one of the hardest things for parents to do well in these times that require so much of both parents. But it is the single most important obligation all parents have.

It is also the hardest thing to measure and quantify when trying to prove a case for an engaged father. Proving who spent the most time with a child is pretty easy to do. Proving the quality of that time is very difficult. The most important thing a parent needs to know, however, is that if he (or she) can sustain that quality, no matter what the outcome of custody litigation, it pays in the end. A judge may get it wrong, you may not get the amount of time you hoped you’d have, but in the end, it is your kids, not the judge, who are the ultimate triers of fact when it comes to measuring the value of quality attention, presence and listening. And the payoff or results from this kind of engaged parenting can be huge. When kids get to the age where they can “vote with their feet” it is the parent who does his (or her) best to meet this obligation who stands the best chance to win the most important vote of all.

Number 2 of the Universal Rights in the Father’s Bill of Rights says that fathers, no matter what their legal status to the mothers of their children, have a right to equal right to time with, and access to, the lives of their children. More important, their children have the right to an equally engaging relationship with both of their parents, both mother and father.

It may not seem like it, to a lot of these fathers, but more and more, support is gathering to help these fathers be as fully engaged as the young mothers you hear so much more about. But what if you don’t know until it’s too late?

The problem of children who lose both of their biological parents through adoption is a lot better now than it was twenty to twenty-five years ago, but it still happens. In Michigan, a landmark case was recently fought to ensure that young, unmarried fathers are recognized and their right to raise their child considered before a child is placed for adoption: Thanks, I’ll Keep That Baby.

The situation is evolving slowly, but as more unmarried fathers stand up and say, “Thanks, if you don’t want that baby, fine. I do,” the opportunities for children to a full and healthy relationship with at least one engaged parent — dad — is going to increase.

While Maryland law entitles fathers to notice of an adoption there is no putative father registry permitting father’s to list their information for possible future contact, so if a mother does not identify the father, or, as is more often the case, misidentifies him, the father might never know. While many local courts in Maryland have internal procedures that apply strict safeguards to implementing Maryland’s adoption laws for giving fathers notice that an adoption is in the works, others do not and there is significant room for error. If you think you may be the father of a baby, there are steps you can take. Here’s a link to a post that gives you information on your options: What You Can Do, Dad. Maryland Family Law Firm is a strong advocate for unmarried fathers seeking to assume parental responsibility.

I get a lot of calls from fathers who need legal help because they are having problems with the child support authorities in Maryland. This post has good news and bad news for these fathers. The good news, is that I can tell you what some of the common questions are and give you some common sense information on dealing with this problem.

The bad news is, most of the time, unless the child support issue is part of a larger custody dispute, and the parent can afford to retain me for both issues, I can’t help the callers who have problems with child support. Usually, someone who can’t pay his (or her) child support, can’t pay me. Sadly, child support laws in Maryland are the most burdensome for those least able to pay — that means lower and middle income parents. One of my first cases as a lawyer involved a parent who made barely more than minimum wage. Because of the fact that Maryland’s child support guidelines do not factor in and deduct basic living expenses from the child support calculation, this parent was ordered to pay almost every cent of income made.

The economy is a lot worse now than it was then. Folks are losing their jobs, their homes, and many can’t even afford to get relief in bankruptcy. So here is some information for parents who have to deal with child support issues:

• If you suffer a serious financial problem, like losing a job or your home, let the court that issued the child support order know about it. Right away. Maryland law allows for a modification of support if your economic situation changes significantly, but you have to ask for the change by filing papers with the court.

• Use the free legal resources available to you to take legal action. Maryland’s courts offer help from the Pro Se Project Maryland Pro Se Project, the Maryland Legal Services Corporation MLSC, and Maryland Legal Aid Bureau MDLAB. These services are overburdened already, so you will have to be persistent and committed to get help from them, but don’t delay. Keep at it until you get the help you need.

• Keep detailed records of everything, including all the court orders, the letters you get from child support enforcement, the letters you send to them, and most important, the payments you make, whether through wage withholding or directly to the custodial parent.

• If your local child support enforcement office has made a mistake, ask them for an accounting. Keep asking until you get what you’ve asked for.

• Get the full name and direct telephone number of anyone you speak with at your local child support office, and keep a written log of your communications with that person. Usually, callers are directed to the main number for the state office, which routes the call to the local office. It won’t help if you have the 800 number, you need the number of the local office.

Child support enforcement in each county in Maryland is run by a different subcontracting agency, all of whom report to the state office of Child Support Enforcement. Some are effective, some are not. The key is to know exactly who you are dealing with, to ask for the help you need as soon as you need it, and to be persistent until you get it

A couple of years ago, I wrote an article that was published in Maryland’s legal news daily, The Daily Record (July 14, 2006). Silent Suffering: Men as Victims of Domestic Violence.. The inspiration for the piece came from watching someone very close to me endure this kind of silent aggression. It was such a shock to me to realize that men could and did experience the same kind of fear, isolation, embarrassment, physical injury or illness, and sometimes, death, that have for so long seemed to be the unique territory of women. We used to joke that one day we’d bring a lawsuit based on Maryland’s Equal Rights Amendments for some of the local “women’s” services funded by state and local government. It was funny. At the time.

Seems like the joke had a more serious potential than we realized. Advocates of equality for both genders are exposing serious fiscal problems with those who run abuse shelters. While I don’t necessarily agree with all the assumptions and conclusions reached by the author, nor can I validate the data used in her study, the president of the association, True Equality Network, has published a study that, if true, shows remarkable and frightening violations of federal law by individuals running abuse shelters: True Equality Network Report.

The Daily Record, Maryland’s legal daily paper, approved of my series on premarital planning. In her July 18 post on legal blogs, Caryn Tamber referenced the series in the paper’s daily blog: Daily Record Law Blog Roundup.

Clark University is conducting a study on men who are victims of domestic violence. If you wish to participate, this link provides contact information: Domestic Aggression Project. Funded by the National Institutes of Mental Health, the study will collect sorely needed data on the incidence of partner aggression by women against their male partners.