Dana Glazer, Bio is producing a documentary-in-progress about the importance of engaged fathers. It is one that every father must see. The Evolution of Dad will turn your assumptions about fathers inside out, and inspire you to be a more engaged father: Evolution of Dad Trailer.

A number of agencies and organizations within the Montgomery County, Maryland government community are sponsoring a Fatherhood Conference. The event is scheduled for November 8, at Richard Montgomery High School, in Rockville, Maryland. If you are interested in attending, sign up soon — space is very limited — registration is limited to only the first 200 applicants.

To find the information, you will have to click on this link: Montgomery County, Maryland Government Home Page. You will have to scroll down the page to the fifth icon on the list to find information about this Conference.

Be sure to send a thank you note to your County Council member, and to County Executive Leggett, for sponsoring this strong step towards local government support o f engaged fathers.

American media advertising is slowly reframing the way it portrays fathers, as reported in this article from the Kansas City Star: No More Bumbling Homer.As a society, we have traditionally pictured Dad mostly as a provider. How many Father’s Day cards have you seen that focus on Dad’s skill in handing out cash (The National Bank of Daddy)?

Of course, for a lot of men, especially the Baby Boomers, this picture of Dad is the only one they knew. But that doesn’t mean they can’t learn (or unlearn) this stereotype. In addition to cash, fathers provide other things that are often more important to their kids than dollars. Like time. Attention. Energy. Empathy. Listening. Affirming. It’s time for everyone . . . fathers, mothers and Wall Street . . . to start recognizing the value of these other contributions!

Michigan fathers are fighting for a state law that would make shared custody the norm. Similar legislation has been introduced in Maryland but has never gotten very far. Parent’s Equal Access Called a Civil Rights Issue. On the one hand, I don’t have much use for any standard, one-size-fits all custody legislation. On the other hand, something has to be done to get past the “primary caretaker” assumption in parental fitness decisions.

The problem with the debate over mandatory joint custody statutes is that having a “one-size-fits all” standard — whether it is for the primary caretaker OR for a presumption of joint custody — ignores the real problem. The real problem in any custody case that goes to court and gets litigated through the legal system is that families who end up in this situation are already in trouble. The parents, one or both of them, are unable to resolve conflict.

Joint custody and shared parenting IS the best thing for kids, but ONLY if the parents can put aside the conflict between them when it comes to working things out for the kids. This is not the kind of family legislation or the court intervention that applies it is designed to address.

What is needed is both legislation and administrative court processes and support that directly identifies and addresses conflict in divorcing families. We need to throw out “one-size-fits all” legislation and decision-making — and that includes both the primary caretaker presumption AND the joint custody presumption — and focus instead on rewarding the parent — of whatever gender — who shows a demonstrated ability to put aside his or her own interests on behalf of the children. Custody decisions really do all go right back to that old biblical story of Solomon. We need legislation and decision-making that identifies the parent who is willing to let go of his or her “rights” in order to avoid cutting the baby in half.

That takes time, it takes attention, and it takes money to pay judges who are willing to invest their time and attention in this way. It also takes money to support a family court structure that provides the services needed to identify the “real” parent — the one who will give up just about anything to avoid harming the babies.

Not too many family advocates argue that mothers and children should not have the resources government agencies have provided in the last thirty years. Lots of programs and laws out there for women and children. Families with women and children. Not too many for fathers and children. Maybe it’s time to even the score so that fathers have access to the same benefits. Here are some of the programs and laws designed and written especially for women:

• WIC provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant, breastfeeding, and non-breastfeeding postpartum women, and to infants and children up to age five who are found to be at nutritional risk.WIC

• WCFS is an organization of charitable organizations dedicated to meeting the needs of women, children and families. Women, Children and Family Service Charities

• The National Center for Research Assistance for Women and Families, “promotes the health and safety of women, children, and families, by using objective, research-based information to encourage new, more effective programs and policies. The Center achieves its mission by gathering and analyzing information and translating that information into clearly presented facts and policy implications that are made widely available to the public, the media, and policy makers.” Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)

Okay, how about fathers? . . . . . . Children and fathers . . . . national funding agencies . . . . ????

Some are beginning to include men in their services, but not many: Center for Urban Economic Development: University of Chicago. 1996. Did you catch that date? 1996.

Many communities have centers for women — they help their clients re-enter the workforce, provide seminars on divorce and finances, assist with childcare resources — all funded with local public funding. Responsible Fatherhood Initiative. Take a careful look at what the various states on this site provide. Notice how many are there to be sure dad is a really good wallet on two legs, and how many are putting their dollars into teaching young men to BE good fathers.

What do fathers need? The same thing mothers need. Help with workforce planning, information on economic assistance, resources for childcare, and sometimes, food, milk, cereal and peanut butter for the kids. Fathers deserve the same parenting resources as do mothers. It’s up to us to legislate for change. In some places, the community is beginning to recognize how important it is to give fathers the same kind of resources provided to mothers,

My colleague in Florida, Christine Bauer, recently published a post on fathers’ rights in her blog Florida Family Law Blog. A reader published a comment that emphasizes the importance of women speaking out in support of the rights of fathers. The need for women and men to speak out, respectfully but firmly, on the need for attention and change in the legal system transcends gender. The thing that helped gain recognition and justice for women in the 60’s and 70’s and African Americans in the Civil Rights movement was that people began to talk openly about the need for change. Women who are mothers, sisters, second wives, friends and lovers of men who struggle to maintain close and loving bonds with their children are adding their voices to the chorus of those seeking fairness and equity for children to both parents after divorce.