Child support belongs to children. Or that’s the party line. But the fact is, it is awarded to the custodial parent, often the mother, who has no obligation to account for it. This is a huge frustration for paying parents (usually fathers) when they don’t see that their children are benefiting.

The obligation to support a child belongs to both parents, and the right to receive support belongs to children. In most states, it can’t be bargained away, or minimized, unless the reduction fits within the statutory scheme set out by the state.

Every state has a different way of calculating child support. All states that receive federal funds for family assistance (this translates to all states) are required to have some model that is mandatory. Maryland uses the “Income Shares” model. Unless the parents have a combined adjusted actual income considerably above the guidelines, the courts use the formula set out in the statute to decide how much support should be paid.

This model involves using the incomes of both parents, less certain deductions set out in the statute, to reach what is known as the “combined adjusted actual income,” of the parents. The percentage of the total income is calculated and a statutory formula applied, dependent on the number of children, to reach a recommended guidelines support amount that is divided between the parents, based on the percentage each of them has of the total adjusted actual income.

The next step in the calculation deducts some things, like child care or the payment of health insurance, from the recommended amount applied to each parent to reach a support amount the non-custodial parent (usually the father) is obligated to pay. This is called sole custody guidelines.

Here’s the catch. If the child or children spend a certain number of overnights with the non-custodial parent, the calculations changes, and the amount the non-custodial parent has to pay goes down. This is called “shared custody guidelines.” The law in Maryland assumes that the more time the children spend with the non-custodial parent, the more likely it is that the non-custodial parent will be paying a larger portion of expenses for the child.

Unfortunately, this system breeds contempt for the purpose of child support, which is to be sure children get what they need from their parents after divorce. Many parents seek custody primarily because they want the higher amount of support. Many other parents try to get more time with their kids, not because they want to be more involved with their kids, but because they want to pay less support.

The problem is, the legal system is very familiar with the latter problem and not very familiar with the former problem. If you are a non-custodial parent, how do you combat this bias? First, see a good lawyer as soon as you are separated. Try to work out an agreed upon timesharing arrangement with your spouse and get it in writing. Failing that, take every opportunity to be with your children and keep records of when you do, as well as ensuring that credible third parties see and know about the time you spend with your kids. Support your children, but keep careful, detailed records of everything you spend on your children and every request your spouse makes for support. If you pay support because you choose to do so (that means, without a court order) be sure the amount you pay is at or above the guidelines amount and document all of your payments. Look up “child support calculators” for your state. Maryland has one at Maryland Child Support Guidelines: Department of Health and Human Resources for the State of Maryland

Take advantage of every opportunity to be with your children, and keep records of those times as well, including the time you pick them up and the time they leave your care for your spouse. Before you have to do it, prove that the thing that counts to you is the time you are with your children. And don’t neglect quality, either. Keep a log of what you do when your children are with you. Get involved in their schools, activities, and friends.

Courts are far more likely to look favorably on a parent asking for shared custody guidelines support when there is a history and record of committed involvement on the part of the non-custodial parent and when that parent has been supporting his children because he chooses to do so. More important, when the courts see that a custodial parent is trying to limit time between a father and children after a pattern of involvement, they are not as likely to buy the assumption that father only wants that time to reduce his obligation for support.

It’s hard to fight City Hall (for fathers, the assumption by many judges that fathers just want to use time with their kids to avoid support without recognizing that mothers often just use their kids to get support) but with an adequate and documented record of involvement in children’s lives, serious fathers can, and often are, taken seriously by the courts. One example is in the District of Columbia, where a number of agencies have formed a partnership to establish a Fathering Court Fathering Court, Superior Court for the District of Columbia.

For more information about child support around the United States, visit Laura Morgan’s website, at: Laura Morgan’s Child Support Website