It’s always difficult for a lawyer to balance the demands of the client, the opposing party and the opposing attorney, but it’s really hell when there’s a “silent party” in the case.

That person can be a grandparent, a boyfriend (or girlfriend), sibling or church member, but the silent party is often paying the bill for the other party, and usually he or she has a lot of influence on the decisions made by the opposing party.

There isn’t anything ethically wrong with a third party paying the freight for litigation, but lawyers in Maryland are supposed to be able to set clear boundaries on the outsider that keeps them on the outside of the decision-making process and the lawyer’s door.

Too often, lawyers fudge the rules on the involvement of third (or silent) parties. When that happens, the other side can end up paying thousands of dollars in legal fees, most of which would have been avoided if it had been a straightforward dispute between two parents.

So. What can be done? Sometimes, nothing. But I do ask who is paying the bill, how much was paid, and when. I can ask the party if the other lawyer has a guarantee agreement that the opposing party signed. I can depose the paying party. And if the facts support it, in Maryland I can ask the court to include the silent party in the litigation.

In short, if I can develop facts that show the court who is really running the show, It can provide the court with another element to support my client’s claim for custody — the ability of the other parent to behave like a responsible, autonomous adult. It isn’t usually too hard to convince the court that the parent who demonstrates this quality the most effectively should be the parent the kids watch the most often.