Hand in hand with a father’s right to a fully engaged relationship with his children is his obligation to support them. There’s a ton of information and ranting out there about the obligation of fathers to support their children financially, but not much about their obligation to support their children with their time, and a quality of attention that sets aside what the parent has on the agenda to do, or in his head to say, and just notices his child, just listens to his child, is fully present to the child. This obligation is one shared by all parents, mothers and fathers, and it is one of the hardest things for parents to do well in these times that require so much of both parents. But it is the single most important obligation all parents have.

It is also the hardest thing to measure and quantify when trying to prove a case for an engaged father. Proving who spent the most time with a child is pretty easy to do. Proving the quality of that time is very difficult. The most important thing a parent needs to know, however, is that if he (or she) can sustain that quality, no matter what the outcome of custody litigation, it pays in the end. A judge may get it wrong, you may not get the amount of time you hoped you’d have, but in the end, it is your kids, not the judge, who are the ultimate triers of fact when it comes to measuring the value of quality attention, presence and listening. And the payoff or results from this kind of engaged parenting can be huge. When kids get to the age where they can “vote with their feet” it is the parent who does his (or her) best to meet this obligation who stands the best chance to win the most important vote of all.